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Monologues

by Marriott Edgar, Stanley Holloway and others

Ma, Pa and Albert

Marriott Edgar wrote comical poems for the pleasure of all generations, particularly in the North of England.

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(Also known as) Author
1066(The Battle of Hastings)MEI'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
Albert and His SavingsMEOne day, little Albert Ramsbottom
Albert and the 'EadsmanMEOn young Albert Ramsbottom's birthday
Albert and the Lion(The Lion and Albert)METhere's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
Albert Comes Back(The Return of Albert)MEYou've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert Down UnderMEAlbert were what you'd call 'thwarted'
Albert EvacuatedSHHave you heard how young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert's Return(The Return of Albert)MEYou've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert's ReunionSHYou've heard of Albert Ramsbottom
Alt! Who Goes There?SHOld Sam first came to London
An Elephant Never Forgets(Little Aggie)MEWhen Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
AsparagusMEMr Ramsbottom went to the races
Balbus(The Great Wall of China)MEI'll tell you the story of Balbus
Barber, Sweeney ToddRW&BLIn Fleet Street that's in London Town
Battle of Hastings(1066)MEI'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
Beat the Retreat On Thy Drum(Sam, Sam, Beat the Retreat)SHI'm hundred and two today' bagoom!
BeefeaterRW&BLOh dear, starting another day I suppose
Brahn BootsRW&BLOur Aunt Hannah's passed away
Burghers of CalaisMEIt were after the Battle of Crecy
Canute the GreatMEI'll tell of Canute, King of England
Channel SwimmerMEWould you hear a wild tale of adventure
Elephant Never Forgets(Little Aggie)MEWhen Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
Excelsior(Up'ards)METwere getting dusk
Fair Rosamond(The Fair Rosamund)MEI'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
George and the DragonMEI'll tell you the tale of an old country pub
Goalkeeper JoeMEJoe Dunn were a bobby for football
Great Wall of China(Balbus)MEI'll tell you the story of Balbus
Gunner JoeMEI'll tell you a seafaring story
Henry the SeventhMEHenry the Seventh of England
Joe RamsbottomMEJoe Ramsbottom rented a bit of a farm
Jonah and the Grampus(Jonah and the Whale)MEI'll tell you the story of Jonah
Jonah and the Whale(Jonah and the Grampus)MEI'll tell you the story of Jonah
Jubilee Sov'rinMEOn Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
Lancashire version of Longfellow's "Excelsior"(Up'ards)METwere getting dusk
Lion and Albert(Albert and the Lion)METhere's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
Little Aggie(An Elephant Never Forgets)MEWhen Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
Magna CharterMEI'll tell of the Magna Charter
Many Happy ReturnsAdBDown at the school house at Runcorn
Marksman SamMEWhen Sam Small joined the regiment
MatildaMEHenry the first, surnamed 'Beauclare'
NoahMEOne evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
Old Sam(Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket)SHIt occurred on the evening before Waterloo
Old Sam's Christmas Pudding(Sam's Christmas Pudding)MEIt was Christmas Day in the trenches
Old Sam's PartyMCSam Small, though approaching his eightieth year
'Ole in the ArkMEOne evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
One Each Apiece All RoundSHNo. 2468
Parson of PuddleGNIn the clean little, green little
Pick Oop Tha' Musket(Old Sam)SHIt occurred on the evening before Waterloo
Queen MatildaMEHenry the first, surnamed 'Beauclare'
Recumbent PostureMEThe day after Christmas, Young Albert
Return of Albert(Albert Comes Back / Albert's Return)MEYou've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Richard Coeur-de-LionMERichard the fiirst, Coeur-de-Lion
Rosamond(The Fair Rosamund)MEI'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
Runcorn Ferry(Tuppence Per Person Per Trip)MEOn the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Sam Drummed OutRW&BLWhen a lad's been drummed out or the Army
Sam Goes To ItMESam Small had retired from the Army
Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket(Old Sam)SHIt occurred on the evening before Waterloo
Sam, Sam, Beat the Retreat(Beat the Retreat On Thy Drum)SHI'm hundred and two today' bagoom!
Sam's Christmas Pudding(Old Sam's Christmas Pudding)MEIt was Christmas Day in the trenches
Sam's medalMC&MHYou've 'eard of Samuel Small, per'aps
Sam's PartyMCSam Small, though approaching his eightieth year
Sam's RacehorseMEWhen Sam Small retired from the Army
Sam's SturgeonASSam Small were fishing in canal
St. George and the DragonRW&BLSome folks'll boast about their family trees
Sweeney Todd, the BarberRW&BLIn Fleet Street that's in London Town
The Barber, Sweeney ToddRW&BLIn Fleet Street that's in London Town
The Battle of Hastings(1066)MEI'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
The BeefeaterRW&BLOh dear, starting another day I suppose
The Burghers of CalaisMEIt were after the Battle of Crecy
The Channel SwimmerMEWould you hear a wild tale of adventure
The Fair Rosamond(The Fair Rosamund)MEI'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
The Great Wall of China(Balbus)MEI'll tell you the story of Balbus
The Jubilee Sov'rinMEOn Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
The Lion and Albert(Albert and the Lion)METhere's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
The Magna CharterMEI'll tell of the Magna Charter
The 'Ole in the ArkMEOne evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
The Parson of PuddleGNIn the clean little, green little
The Recumbent PostureMEThe day after Christmas, Young Albert
The Return of Albert(Albert Comes Back / Albert's Return)MEYou've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
The Runcorn Ferry(Tuppence per person per trip)MEOn the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Three Ha'pence a FootMEI'll tell you an old-fashioned story
Tuppence Per Person Per Trip(Runcorn Ferry)MEOn the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Up'ards(Lancashire version of Longfellow's "Excelsior")METwere getting dusk
William RufusMEThe reign of King William the Second
With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her ArmRW&BLIn the Tower of London, large as life
Yorkshire PuddenRW&BLHi waitress, excuse me a minute, now listen

Authors
AdBArchie de Bear
ASAshley Sterne
GNGreatrex Newman
MCMabel Constanduros
MC&MHMabel Constanduros and Michael Hogan
MEMarriot Edgar
RW&BLR P Weston and Bert Lee
SHStanley Holloway

Dedicated to my father, who died a few months after these pages were added to this website.

Most of the accompanying illustrations were scanned from his books, which will be forever treasured, along with the fond memories of him reciting the poems after tea on Sunday afternoons.

Thanks Dad.

Lily