Sweeney Todd, The Barber

by R P Weston and Bert Lee

Sweeney & Todd, Reading, Berkshire

There actually is a pie shop named "Sweeney and Todd" at 10 Castle Street, Reading, Berkshire. And believe me, the pies are delicious!

Typical menu (not recommended for those trying to shed a few pounds):

York Ham and Stilton
Boar and Venison
Steak and Oyster
Vicar's Pie
Five Nations
Chicken, Honey and Mustard
and a whole host more....

Other products include:
Delicious cauliflower cheese
Ratatouille
Sliced meats
Scotch Eggs...

And next door is a barber shop!

Make sure you see The Rabbit after reading this poem.

In Fleet Street that's in London Town,
When King Charlie wore the Crown,
There lived a man of great renown,
It was Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

One shave from him and you'd want no more -
You'd feel his razor sharp
Then tumble wallop through the floor
And wake up playing a harp

- and singing.

Sweeney Todd, the Barber
Ba Goom, he were better than a play,
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
"I'll polish him off," he used to say.

His clients through the floor would slope,
But he had no fear of the hangman's rope
Dead men can't talk with their mouths full of soap,
Said Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

Now underneath the shop it's true
Where other bodies tumbled through
There lived a little widow who
Loved Sweeney Todd the Barber.

She made her living by selling pies,
Her meat pies were a treat,
Chock full of meat and such a size
'Cos she was getting the meat from

Mr Sweeney Todd, the Barber.
Ba Goom, he were better than a play
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
"I'll polish them off," he used to say.

And many's the poor young orphan lad
'Ad the first square meal he'd ever had -
A hot meat pie, made out of his Dad
From Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

It was Saturday night in old Sweeney Todd's shop
And his customers sat in a row
While Sweeney behind a screen shaved some poor mug
And his sweetheart made pies down below.

(Click image to enlarge,
and for a few more of these Wallis posters)

Though none were aware, it were cut prices there
They were rolling up in two's and three's,
And his foot was quite sore pressing knob on the floor
And his voice went from saying "Next please."

First a swell took the chair. He said "Ha, Ha, my man,
Just a shave and a perfumed shampoo
For I've just got engaged." Sweeney just pressed the knob
and said "There now, it's all fallen through."

Then a bookmaker said, with his mouth full of soap,
"They're all backing favourites today
So I'll bet I'll go down." Sweeney said "So you will,"
And he did - he went down straight away.

But what rotten luck - the darned trap went and stuck
For the hinge he'd forgotten to grease;
And a customer there started calling out "Police!"
Just as Sweeney was saying "Next please."

Yes, he ran to the door and he shouted "Police!"
He called "Police!" nine times or ten;
But no policeman arrived and a very good reason
The police weren't invented by then.

But up came the brave Bow Street runners - hurray!
And he had to let many a pie burn
While they dragged him to quad. And next day Sweeney Todd
Was condemned to be switched off at Tyburn.

Underfloor 'eating

Tasty meat pie

And there on the gibbet he hangs in chains,
And they do say a little black crow
Made a sweet little nest in Old Sweeney Todd's whiskers
And sang as he swang to and fro.

Sweeney Todd, the Barber
Ba Goom. he were better than a play;
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
They burried him underneath the clay.

And old Nick calls him from his grave
Shouting "Wake up, Sweeney, I want a shave,"
And Mrs Nick wants a permanent wave
From, Sweeney Todd, The Barber.