Western Style Weddings in Japan

There can be several reasons why so many couples want this style and the most popular are:

• Japanese have long liked to copy, and improve on, the West. Take for example the national railways, communication systems, democracy, and anything to do with electronics.
• A western style wedding is cool. According to L'Oreal (in 2006), 70 percent of Japanese people dye their hair. It's fashionable to imitate other cultures, just as westerners do by getting a suntan so they can look ... errr ... 'exotic'
• A western style wedding is usually less expensive than a shinzen shiki (traditional Japanese style wedding).
• Just close family attend the shinzen shiki, whereas many friends and extended family are invited to a western style wedding.
• Western style is considered more romantic, cheerful, modern and less tiring.
• Western style is promoted through so many movies, magazines and Japanese TV dramas, that couples don't consider any other form.

Simple and modern Muji style, or elaborate and baroque with piled-on ornateness, the chapel could be anywhere - a garden or a restaurant, but usually it's within a hotel. The wedding couple can choose the style that they feel is appropriate for solemnizing their special commitment.

Typically, the chapel is part of a larger facility designed for weddings, including a room suitable for the bride to dress and be made up, private rooms for the groom, the bride's father and any other important guest who needs a facility for changing and preparing. There is a place for the families to meet and formally introduce themselves, a studio for photographs and of course, a suitable place for the reception party. Each part of the complex is staffed by highly trained professionals who make it their business to ensure the couple enjoy their special day.

The service is preceded by a rehearsal of the ceremony enabling the bride (shinpu) and groom (shinro) to review the service and then put on their best performance with the minimum of stress. Then the couple retire to a waiting room whilst the guests and families enter the chapel and take their places.

Often there is a rather nice pre-ceremony ritual in the waiting room, where the bride's mother lowers her daughter's veil. This token is the final act of the mother for her child. For the father, his final act is the traditional escort down the aisle. When the veil is lifted again (in the ceremony), it will be the first act by the bride's new guardian, as he takes the responsibility of being her husband.

Myths and truths about wedding rings.

The wedding celebrant, perhaps bearing a Wedding Cross, gives a brief welcome and introduction. He then announces the bride's entrance. The doors swing open and all faces turn to see the bride gracefully enter and walk down the aisle. Usually the bride is escorted on her father's arm. The wedding procession often includes a ring-bearer, best man, ushers, bridesmaids or flower girls. "This is a magnificent moment" explains one wedding celebrant. "The accompanying music can be a pipe organ, a choir, a trumpet, flute, Gospel singer, or whatever the couple want. We've even had Scottish bagpipes! Whatever is chosen, the music is always fabulous. Sometimes I want to tell the bride to go out and come in again, just so I can listen to the music one more time!"

The procession ends with the groom bowing to the bride's father. The father returns the bow. As everyone knows, bowing in Japan is an art, and this particular exchange is especially significant: The father is handing his daughter over to the groom.

Then the service starts. It follows the pattern of a traditional Protestant marriage ceremony, largely unchanged for hundreds of years. Pretty relaxed, not overtly or charismatically evangelical, and low emphasis on some of the more conservative rites (no Signing of the Cross for example). The opening hymn is usually the Japanese version of What a Friend We Have in Jesus. This is probably the most widely known Christian hymn in Japan, so everyone can join in.

Tip: If you think you might start crying and feel embarrassed at a wedding, make sure you join in that opening hymn. Singing is therapeutic!

And if you're a bride and the singing trick doesn't hold back those tears, don't worry. People just love to see a bride weep a little. Make sure you keep that handkerchief to pass on to your daughter's wedding!

Part of 1st Corinthians chapter 13 is then read from the Bible, which does an amazing job of explaining what 'love' is; something poets spend their whole lives trying to define better, but cannot.

After the bible reading, there is a prayer followed by a short message that explains the sanctity of marriage and the importance of the wedding vows (seiyaku). Then the bride and groom declare their vows and exchange wedding rings (yubiwa no kokan). The chapel register (shomeisho) is signed and the marriage is announced (kekkon-sengen). This is usually followed by the groom lifting the veil and then the wedding kiss. Although a few couples are shy to kiss even lightly in front of so many guests, it is a lovely, ancient display, demonstrating the mutual sealing of the contracts. The service often concludes with another hymn and a benediction.

The service is given in either Japanese or English, or the most popular option, a mixture of both. When there is a mixture, Japanese is used for guiding the congregation when to stand, sit, sing etc. The message is also given in Japanese so people can benefit from what Christ teaches about marriage, and the prayers and blessings are usually spoken in English. All of this is flexible; the couple may choose how much is spoken in English and how much in Japanese.

"The couple and guests know what the prayer is about, but generally they prefer to hear English words spoken; the same words used at Christian weddings in churches back home in England." says a wedding celebrant.

The service programme is flexible. It can be extended, shortened or the order of service can be changed, to accommodate the wedding couple's wishes. Some couples request that the service include a candle lighting ceremony or add a personal touch by including speeches of congratulations or advice from family or friends. Guests feel much more involved if the wedding features a Ring Relay.

The ceremony ends and the wedding couple leave the chapel (fufu no taijo) to a flower shower, rice shower, pearl shower, streamers etc.

The wedding reception is a celebration, often with a several-course dinner, live music, and dancing so that friends and family can toast the newly married couple and share in their happiness. Gifts (usually crisp new bank notes) are presented from guests to the couple to help them start out their new lives together.

There are many western wedding reception traditions or rituals. For example throwing the bouquet (bu-ke tosu) is a popular ritual where the bride throws a bouquet backwards over her head to a crowd of the unmarried women (bachelorettes) in attendance. It is thrown backwards so as not to favour any particluar friend to catch it. Superstition has it, that the maiden who catches the bouquet will be the next one to get married.

It is also traditional to serve a large cake, usually multi-tiered. The couple perform their first act together as husband and wife, by jointly making the first cut of the cake together. They also serve each other the first bites of the cake. The cutting and serving is supposed to signify how they will be sharing everything going forward. Everyone is supposed to eat at least a little cake to bring the couple good luck.

Whilst the most important part of a wedding ceremony is usually considered to be the exchange of vows, the next most important part is the ring exchange. Few other parts of a wedding have as many myths and superstitions as the wedding ring.

If you want something a bit different than a standard wedding party, just one or two unusual things can be quite striking. Let your imagination run wild; it's your day!

A bit expensive, but you could for example, rent robots instead of waiters to deliver the drinks. For the same cost of a lounge-singer you could hire a conjuror.

Instead of the personalised name cards on the tables, complete with the usual trimmings of wedding bells and flowers, you could have some off-beat artwork from Monster Mix on your invitation cards. (They can do original graphic design work tailored just for you at a reasonable price.)

Check out our Wedding Planning page for oodles of useful tips on efficient wedding planning.