Wedding rings? Think again!
Some myths and truths revealed
What is the real meaning of a wedding ring? There are countless ideas of the origin and significance of the wedding ring, and this page introduces a few.
But please don't take anything on this page too seriously (except this paragraph!) Whatever caused rings to evolve into such a central part of wedding ceremonies in most cultures, is not important. What IS important, is YOUR reason for wearing a wedding ring.
"A wedding ring is sort of a tourniquet worn on one's finger to stop circulation" (Anon)
Since ancient times, marriages have been symbolised by the wearing of a wedding ring. Usually worn by the bride, they were given as a token of possession. That is, the husband possessed the wife. Once ringed, she was no longer available to circulate amongst other men.
Nose-ring: Useful for controlling movement of livestock
You've heard the term 'husbandry', a task performed by a farmer, in particular when raising livestock. Is this the origin of the term 'husband'? Ever wondered whether 'groom' and 'bride' come from the idea of a horseman (groom) taking control of his animal property by using a bridle? Does the ring symbolise a bondage manacle?
Actually, no.
The word 'husband' most likely stems from the medieval Scandinavian locution 'hus' meaning 'house', and 'bondi' meaning 'dweller'. In 14th century England, most house dwellers were peasant farmers, and married, so the term 'husband' was a general word used for both. (...and now you know some Viking language!)
The word 'groom' comes from the Old English 'guma', which means 'man'. 'Groom' is the abbreviated form of 'bridegroom', and therefore means 'man of the bride'.
The word 'bride' is from the Old English 'bryd' and related to Old Norse 'bruthr' and Old High German 'brut'. It could be from the times when the main job of a young wife or daughter-in-law was to make the broth for the household.
...Nothing to do with grooming horses or raising cattle.
So what about the ring?
It is true that a wedding ring is a token of possession, but rather than symbolising a man possessing a woman, it is the woman's possession of something valuable given by the man. Hence the current practice of using a precious metal, such as gold, platinum or titanium.
Ring symbolism
The unbroken circle is an age-old symbol of eternity. Yet the giving of a ring does not mean everlasting love. (It's a beautiful idea, but it doesn't work. Many people divorce yet their wedding ring remains intact.) Also, the ring does not represent enslavement: a more permanent mark could be made with a branding iron or a tattooed bar-code on the forehead. (Betrothed Okinawan women used to have a blue 2cm square block tattooed on their hands and/or arms.)
No, the ring is neither everlasting love nor bondage, but an effigy of magic.
The soul is a circle (Plato)
Plato's plate
Glory is like a circle in the water,
Which never ceaseth to enlarge itself
Till by broad spreading it disperse to naught
(William Shakespeare)
Typhoons, convection currents, the arc of a rainbow. Roundness is a very natural shape.
A ring is a circle (you've probably noticed that) and a circle has very strong magical connotations. The circle is endless and timeless suggesting a repetitive unbroken wholeness in time and space. It even suggests reincarnation to some people.
"Everything tries to be round" says Black Elk (1863-1950) an Oglala Sioux holy man. It's the strongest and most 'natural' shape. Eggs and most fruit are round (especially when dissected in the middle). A bird builds its nest in a circle. Fairy rings. Crop circles. Sharks and vultures circle their dinner. Earth is round, rotates, and orbits. (No wonder I'm dizzy; the world keeps spinning in circles. See what the space travellers say about this in our humour pages.)
Our lives move in repeated and interwoven circles. We leave home, go to work, return home. Work until we are tired, sleep until we are refreshed, work, sleep, work. We are born of dust, live, and return to dust. Our blood circulates in our bodies.
Is it coincidence that we use the circle to represent zero; that strange value which is neither positive nor negative? (You know, if all these circular thoughts were laid end-to-end on the equator, they would make a really big circle.)
Each of us operates on a circadian rhythm of about 24 hours (our 'biological clock'). Some people believe in biorhythms: a physical cycle of 23 days, an emotional cycle of 28 days and the mental cycle of 33 days.
With the orbiting of the Earth and moon, our day moves in a circle, as do our months (see days-months-seasons). Because of this, astrology had a huge influence on the way ancient people perceived the world and the meaning of life (see Rokuyo)
Let mathematicians and geometricians
talk of circles and triangles charms,
The figure I prize is a girl with bright eyes,
and the circle that's formed by her arms.
(Anon)
Circle studies have been going round (!) for years. Empedodes (a Greek philosopher, statesman, poet and physiologist, 490-430 BC) said "The nature of God is a circle of which the centre is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere" (but in Greek of course)
The Qur'an talks of Solomon's magic ring that could exorcise demons, and Buddhists have the Wheel of Dharma. In Ezekiel 1 we read about mysterious rings appearing in the sky. (Yes, flying saucers are also circular)
The circular halo that we sometimes see around the sun and moon is usually depicted on religious icons to depict their brilliance.
Stonehenge is a 5,000-year-old circle of huge stones in southern England, which many believe was built as a pagan temple.
Ring Relay
Here's an idea for your wedding - if you want something a bit different.
Arrange for a long ribbon to be strung down both sides of the aisle, from the back row of seats to the front row. The colour of the ribbons is unimportant, but white, silver, gold or 'true blue' might be considered. At the time of the ceremony where the rings are exchanged, just before that happens, the bride and groom face the congregation. At the back of the chapel on the groom's side, a groomsman or chapel assistant threads the ribbon through the groom's ring and hands the ring to the person sitting on the back row next to the aisle. Similarly on the bride's side, the ribbon is thread through the bride's ring and handed to the person sitting on the back row.
Row by row, the rings are slid along the ribbons to the front, ending in the hands of couple's fathers. The pastor takes the rings from the fathers and then proceeds with the ring exchange.
It's a beautiful addition to the ceremony in that people have a real involvement with the wedding. For just a couple of seconds, they have control of the wedding. Quite a feeling, and they love it!
The world's biggest wedding ring
Like many other parts of the world, Britain has its fair share of ancient stone circles. See for example, the stones on the Orkney Islands. Near the Loch of Stennis there were two large stone circles, dedicated the sun and moon. Until just two hundred years ago, a bride would walk around the circle of the moon stones, and the groom would circuit the sun stones. They then met at the huge Odin Stone which had a circular hole. They would join hands through this hole, plight their troth, and become man and wife.
(It is believed the stone was erected there 5,000 years ago. But two hundred years ago it was destroyed by grumpy landowner Captain Mackay, who was tired of the hoards of visitors to the stones. Marketing as we know it today was in its infancy then.)
Magical properties of the ring
Circles have always enjoyed a universal perception of having strong magical properties. And with such magical power, a ring around the heart would surely protect a person from evil spirits.
Why do we use the third finger of the left hand?
Is a palm-reader
the same as
a Palm Pilot?
But even in these days of cardiothoracic science, it's not easy to put a ring around the heart. So in the old days they had a simple answer: they put the ring on the third finger which they believed had a vein, artery or nerve (a sort of a USB cable) running directly to the heart. And as the left hand is a bit closer to the heart than the right, they placed engagement and wedding rings on the third finger of the left hand. (In some cultures the ring is worn on the right hand, since the right hand is considered more righteous.)
Patient: "It hurts when I press here, here, and here."
Doctor: "You've broken your finger"
Hmmm... The word 'they' appears quite a few time in the previous paragraph, with no indication of who 'they' were. Or when or where or why.
See What's left? for a little more on this.
Religious significance of the ring
If the ring has pagan, magical properties, then why does it form such an important part of a Christian wedding ceremony? Does the wedding ring have any religious significance?
Not much.
Bar-code, tattoo and Q-code
Like many other pagan symbols, the ring has been adopted into Christian ceremonies and rites. There is no Biblical reference decreeing the wedding ring as a requirement. The requirement is that people promise to love one another, and the ring is used to symbolise this. Christians could just as easily use a written contract, tattoo a bar-code on the forehead, or any other long-lasting sign. But it was handy in the early days to simply adopt an existing and familiar badge showing that an agreement had been made; the ring.
In addition to the wedding ring, rings are used as powerful symbols in other parts of the Church. For example The Fisherman's Ring, a gold ring decorated with a depiction of St. Peter in a boat casting his net, is worn by the Pope. It is used to seal papal official documents (Briefs), and comes from the Bible's teachings about God-fearing Christians being fishermen. A bishop wears a ring to signify his union with the Church. Certain orders of nuns do not marry yet wear wedding rings to signify their 'spiritual marriage to Christ'. And this gives us a clue to the significance of the ring in a Christian ceremony: Just as one is worn today by bishops but not priests, the ring was worn by leaders as a symbol or seal of authority.
The authoritative symbolism is used in a Christian wedding ceremony. The ring-giving symbolises one person transfering their authoritative rights to the other person. It is given as a token that one person is transferring their valuable property to the other. It is given as a symbol that one person promises to love the other. For most people, there are no magical, supernatural or even religious connotations to this. (Love is above those things anyway.) Wedding rings are older than Christianity, and there is not much to suggest they were ever invested with any precise religious significance. A priest may bless the rings and this is considered by some, especially Roman Catholics, to make the rings sacramental.
In the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church introduced the ring into the ceremony. The groom would slide the wedding ring part way up and then down his bride's thumb, then her first finger, and then her middle finger, saying: "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost" before finally placing it on the next finger in line; the ring finger. The Protestants started using the ring a little while after the Catholics. In 1549, the wedding ring finger changed from right hand to the left hand for Protestants but Catholics continued to place the ring on the right hand.
Today, almost all Christians accept the wedding ring, doubtlessly helped by the Christianization of the old vena amoris tale.
What the Bible says about rings
There are several passages mentioning rings: Genesis 24:22, 30, 53; Genesis 41:42 (given as a token of fidelity); Esther 8:2, 8; and Luke 15:22 (given as a token of adoption). These are rings worn as a sign of authority or privilege rather than merely decoration. There is no specific mention of rings used as part of a wedding ceremony.
Pay heed, however, to 1 Timothy 2:9-10 and 1 Peter 3:3-4 which advise against having anything too glitzy. Beauty comes not from adornment, but from the inner self.
What the Church says about rings
The ecclesiastical laws in England are derived from the Roman pontiffs, and the canon law of marriage according to the English Parliament and the Common Prayer Book, is the basis of marriage throughout Europe. Marriages in the Episcopal Church are governed by the Rubric - a title or article in certain ancient common-law books. The rubric directs that "the man shall give unto the woman a ring, laying the same upon the book; and the priest, taking the ring, shall deliver it unto the man to put it on the fourth finger of the woman's left hand."
The wedding ring is the centre of attention for some of the standard vows in a religious wedding ceremony. For example,
- Jewish: Harey at mekuddeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Israel (Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the Law of Moses and of Israel).
- Anglican, Episcopal, Protestant: I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow (or 'love'), and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
- Presbyterian: This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.
- Roman Catholic: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as sign of my love and faithfulness.
- Unitarian: With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever.
The wedding ring is a visible sign that the couple are committed to one another, and for this reason, the ring forms an essential part of the wedding service. Although we use the word 'essential', most priests these days would accommodate a wedding where no rings were desired by the couple. (Just as the Puritans did in the 16th Century Elizabethan era, today's Religious Society Of Friends (Quakers) generally frown on rings since they consider them to be pagan symbols of medieval superstition. Amish also dispense with the wedding ring.)
What marrying couples say about rings
O-haguro
(Could this be the origin of 'hag'?)
Certainly in Japan at least, the custom of wearing a ring is now prefered to the fashion of the Edo era (late-1800s) when married women displayed their marital status by painting their teeth black (ohaguro).
Fortunately times change, and today Japanese married couples wear wedding rings.
And they are worn, not for any religious or magical reason, but because the person wants to publicly announce that they have found an intimate friend that they plan share the rest of their lives with. The appearance, attractiveness, and its material value, are the important factors for choosing a wedding ring. The magical or religious connotations have little or no relevance.
This leads us finally to that all too familiar god...
The god of money
We are not suggesting that jewellers invented the two sexes just so they could sell wedding rings, but jewellers today are making an awful lot of money from the ring tradition.
Whilst the religious and magical connections are ignored by most who marry today, the traditional wedding ring survival is so strong that just about every couple continues to use them as a symbol of marriage. One reason the tradition has continued is thanks to the marketing efforts of giant jewelry companies.
Couples today tend to spend less on the wedding ring than they do on the engagement ring. There are probably two main reasons for this:
The engagement ring is bought perhaps a year or so before the wedding. The couple are excited and want to splash out on something grand. Conversely, the wedding ring is bought when they must face other large wedding bills.
Engagement rings tend to have stones, and wedding rings tend to be plain. Why a ring with stones should be more expensive than a plain ring defies logic, since a thick, solid gold wedding ring costs more than a thinner metal used for engagement rings. But jewelry companies know the spending patterns of couples and price the stones accordingly.
An ordinary lump of refractive crystalline form of carbon (i.e. diamond) is a brilliant (!) example of an overpriced commodity. They have a pathetic resale value, are extremely common, and are only so exorbitantly expensive because of the stock-piling diamond cartel. (There are plenty of Internet resources you should read before spending a large amount of money on a diamond, including horror stories about child kidnapping for slave labour, terrorist links, etc. There's a brief overview on our ancillary page: diamonds.)
So why wear a ring at all?
Rings are awkward and expensive. Sometimes difficult to put on during the wedding ceremony if your hands get hot and swell slightly, (Vaseline or hand cream often helps) and fumbly fingers often drop them (too much Vaseline!) And if the bride has a ring with a big stone, it can be sometimes difficult to wear the costume gloves. (Tip: Rotate the ring so the stone is on the palm-side of the hand before you pull on the glove.) But despite this page's attempt to expose the lack of any real romantic or spiritual power-force of rings, please go ahead and buy your wedding rings.
And wear them with pride.
Show the world that you have found a loving partner, a friend with whom you can share the rest of your life.
