Oh dear, starting another day I suppose
Showing these 'ere gumps round the Tower.
Still, it's got to be done,
Someone's got to do it.
Good Morning! What's that?
Will I show you round t'Tower, Sir?
You're from Yorkshire, Sir?
Ba goom! The world's small.
I'm from Yorkshire meself - aye;
These 'ere Cockneys don't know
There's a Tower here at all.
First of all, Sir, we come to the canteen
Where you wash the cobwebs off your chest.
That's our motto there -
'Honi soit qui mal y pense',
And in Yorkshire that means beer is best.
Eh? I'll have a pint, Sir, and thank yer,
You'll find it good ale here to sup.
Well, as Guy Fawkes said when he got bunged in dungeon
And tumbled head first - Bottoms up!
That big 'ole outside is the moat, Sir,
And they do say if ever John Bull
Sells the Tower for a road house with cracks puttied up.
It'll make a damn fine swimming pool.