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by Marriott Edgar (1932)
Illustrations by John Hassall
The Lion and Albert (also known as Albert and the Lion) is without doubt the most famous monologue written by Marriott Edgar and can be read from several angles:
The sequel to this poem is Albert's Return.
(Can also be sung to oldies such as 'The House of the Rising Sun' - if you really must!)
There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.
They didn't think much to the Ocean:
The waves, they were fiddlin' and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.
So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.
There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars,
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.
Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild,
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear.
You could see that the Lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im,
And swallowed the little lad 'ole.
Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said "Mother! Yon Lion's 'et Albert."
And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"
Complaining to the Animal Keeper |
Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom, The keeper was quite nice about it; The manager had to be sent for. Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller; The manager wanted no trouble, |
But Mother had turned a bit awkward Then off they went to the P'lice Station, The Magistrate gave his opinion At that Mother got proper blazing, |
Pa proved it by showing his cap |